Are we in a gay sports bar?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize