We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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