You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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