I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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