i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Panties = found
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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