I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
