Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
