she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
