i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
