I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
