Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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