Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i dont even know how to be here
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
