She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Your penis caused this!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
