I think im going to throw up on grandma
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
