Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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