i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
