I love black thongs
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
