She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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