yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
