p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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