remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
