I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
