fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
where are you?
Hypothermia
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
