i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
