well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
