Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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