When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
