If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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