We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
