you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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