My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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