Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's rum buckets o'clock
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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