Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
