Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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