I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
