Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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