I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
