so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about