that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!