sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging