I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.