Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
