Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
