so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
