She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
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