Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
...so i touched it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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