If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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