Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
