I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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