you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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