Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
