I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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