New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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