So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
