Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This baby is an asshole
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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