so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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