The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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