The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
