her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
