Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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