I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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