I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
