The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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