I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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