In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
