My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Randomize
